Here we go again...

[candyland]

Have had this one for a few days, but am only now getting around to posting it. Yup, magic_truth and I were at it again *hides face* You know you've got a running joke going when you make a separate LJ tag just for these posts: pervy. This time, our victims weren't any of your normal couples.

Warning for any interested persons: discussion of sex parties, vibrators, and bizarre yaoi within. Possibly involving Gin and Vodka and/or Akai and Black Hats of Evil (not that such things generally seem to bother most of this fandom, just thought I'd tack it on there...)



sapphirestars: hello!

Candyland: howdy!

Candyland: how're you?

sapphirestars: hey sorry about earlier...my sister was using my computer and she told me you had IM'd me

sapphirestars: good! and you?

Candyland: oh--no problem =P i'm just finishing up some homework :-)

sapphirestars: cool, I was studying but I am done! ::dances::

Candyland: i'm almost done!! *is...tired*

sapphirestars: so did you read?

Candyland: your 30 Kisses story?

sapphirestars: yes

Candyland: ...pretty sure i reviewed it...*goes to check*

sapphirestars: hmmm let me checl

Candyland: =P

sapphirestars: check*

sapphirestars: yay thank you!!

Candyland: yay!!

sapphirestars: I'm so glad! And I'm working on the next as we speak

Candyland: huzzah!! i've got three of my ShinRan ones half-finished ^^;;

sapphirestars: yay!

sapphirestars: so did you think the characterization of Satou and Takagi was good, that was the only thing I was worrying about since I've never done them before

Candyland: i thought it was excellent!

sapphirestars: Takagi was so fun to write and probably easier

sapphirestars: btw I love Gin's schedule of evil

Candyland: thanks!!

Candyland: someone asked about his vacation schedule--knitting pink sweaters of Evil. i'm like "nooooooooo...don't give me ideas..."

sapphirestars: baking cute cupcakes of evil

Candyland: pulling on his Black Swimtrunks of Evil, laying out on his Black Towel of Evil, and getting an awesome Evil Tan!!

sapphirestars: heading out on his black board to do some surfing of evil

Candyland: and throughout the whole thing, the Black Hat of Evil stays firmly on his head!

sapphirestars: well yeah wouldn't want his brains of evil to get fried.

Candyland: ...too late for that, i'm afeared ;-)

sapphirestars: hee! I wonder if he'd rent a black convertible of evil so his hair could float behind him

Candyland: evilly, of course :-P

sapphirestars: and he'd drink an evil gin martini

Candyland: ...i don't want to know what'll happen to the cop who pulls him over for drinking and driving O_O

Candyland: will the infamous Handgun of Evil make an appearance?

sapphirestars: yes when he shoots the cop with one bullet of evil

Candyland: and Gin drives back to his Hotel of Evil. tonight's social event is Square Dancing--and that's evil, even by Gin's standards!!

sapphirestars: so he engages in some evil swinging about and an evil "doseedo" and an evil bow to his partner

Candyland: but he inadvertantly (and evilly) crashes the party when someone tries to swipe his Black Hat of Evil and replace it with a cowboy hat--but the cowboy hat is not evil =-O

sapphirestars: bad move cowboy bad move...let me introduce you to my evil friend

Candyland: (kinda makes me wonder exactly where this vacation is, now that i think about it...)

sapphirestars: an (evil!)island that has (evil!)squaredancing and (evil!)surfing?

Candyland: (...you know, i was about to type something about his Handgun of Evil, but then i reread what you typed up there, and i think it's a lack of sleep, but...*headdesks*)

sapphirestars: (I got to sleep in today so I'm good but I know if I don't go to bed soon I'll be a zombie tomorrow)

Candyland: (i'm having bad thoughts again...bad thoughts of Evil!!!)

sapphirestars: (share...I have tendencies toward bad thoughts of evil too!)

Candyland: (well...gads, i can't believe i've gotten THIS bad, but Gin referenced cowboys and "evil *friends*" in one sentence, and my friend was talking about Brokeback Mountain earlier...)

Candyland: (*cough*)

sapphirestars: (maybe Vodka would visit too? then they could squaredance together!)

sapphirestars: (and exchange their hats for black cowboy hats of evil?)

Candyland: (*dot dot dot*)

sapphirestars: (lassos would be involved I'm sure...oh jeez)

Candyland: (...now that we have both officially been subjected to the Worst. Mental. Picture. In. History...)

Candyland: (Gin/Vodka slash...*shudder*)

sapphirestars: (clearly our lack of communication for the past few days has given us more time for...creativity)

Candyland: (everyone hide!!)

Candyland: (we're feeling creative!!)

sapphirestars: (gather the kids bob! a storm is coming!)

Candyland: (...ya know, BOB is what my friend calls her...well, Boyfriend on Batteries...)

sapphirestars: now that is a...interesting mental image

Candyland: remind me to tell you about the passion party sometime :-D

sapphirestars: I am now engaging in a pro con list in my head as to whether I should ever remind you

Candyland: ...i just gave myself a plunnie...a truly evil, perverted plunnie...

sapphirestars: yes? ::she asks cautiously::

Candyland: ...hmmm...what would happen if i put the girls at a passion party...and then they're telling the guys about it...oh, but somebody would have to say what my dad said when i told him about it...

Candyland: *plots*

Candyland: *evilly*

sapphirestars: but wait what is a passion party ::confused::

Candyland: *laugh* a passion party--at least, the one we had here last year--is where girls get together to talk dirty. that is, talk about sex, vibrators, masturbation, toys, guys, and all sorts of fun stuff!

sapphirestars: hehe that sounds like it could be fun

Candyland: it might sound a bit sick, but it was really a lot of fun!! i nearly broke a couple of people during the vibrator talk, though...

Candyland: they were talking about the "special features" on those things, and i started singing "O Come All Ye Faithful." yeah, thought I was gonna hafta do the Heimlich on Jen...

sapphirestars: I think it seems fun but it'd have to be with people who weren't all uptight and could joke and stuff

sapphirestars: LOL

sapphirestars: oh my gosh

Candyland: it was one of those things that people chose to come to, whether out of genuine interest, curiousity, or whatever reason. there were about fifty girls there.

sapphirestars: and what did your dad say?

Candyland: let me give you the lead-in first, and then i'll tell you, and you'll see why i really love my parents :-D

Candyland: it had been a really busy week--i called home on Friday and left a message on the answering machine that went something like this:

Candyland: "Hey, sorry I haven't called in a few days. Monday night, I was on duty, Tuesday I had a staff meeting. Wednesday there was an opera on campus. Thursday I did my community builder, and then went to a sex party and talked about vibrators, and tonight [Friday] i went to a dinner with the trustees and the other RAs. i've been really busy. Call me. Love you!"

Candyland: my mom called me back. we chatted for a bit before she finally said, "So...sex party?" and i told her about it, and she said she'd gone to a couple things like that when she was in college, which is cool.

Candyland: then she handed the phone over to my dad, and he asked about my soiree. i said, "Trustee dinner or sex party?" he said, "...all right, I'll bite. Sex party." so i told him about it too.

Candyland: and he said, "Well, if you decide to use something like that, make sure you're properly grounded." and all i can think about is Amanda describing dildos with suction cups on them so you can stick them to the wall while you're doing your thing or whatever.

sapphirestars: lol

Candyland: so i asked what he meant, and he said, "Well, make sure it's a three-prong outlet so you don't get electrocuted." i said, "Dad, most of them are battery-powered now, and water-proof."

Candyland: he said, "Oh...wow, times they are a-changing." i was shaking my head (and ignoring my friends chuckling) when i said, "I can't believe i'm having this discussion with my father."

Candyland: and Dad proudly said, "The stories I could tell!"

Candyland: *fetal position*

sapphirestars: oh my god :: goes into fetal position as well::

Candyland: I. Love. My. Parents.

sapphirestars: very very cool parents

Candyland: my sister's funny, though--she actually asked Mom and Dad if they ever had sex while she was in the house because if they did, that was gross.

Candyland: (she's eighteen, BTW).

sapphirestars: and?

Candyland: and lo, a new family running joke was born!!

Candyland: *snicker* when she's downstairs, Mom and Dad will call down to her, "Hey, Brittney, we're going to go have sex!" and listen to her scream :-D

sapphirestars: hee! poor poor girl...but that would be hilarious to see

Candyland: she's funny. that kid cracks me up :-)

Candyland: here's a random irony for ya: one of the ladies in the servery here is named Jane. we call her Crazy Jane because she's a little bit loopy.

Candyland: but she's one of the ladies who scans our ID cards when we go eat, so she knows a lot of the students' names. but she always called me Brittney.

Candyland: and one day she looked at my ID card again, and realized that my name is Lindsey. she apologized and asked why i kept answering to it.

Candyland: i had to laugh when i said, "I'm used to getting called Brittney. it's my sister's name, and when Mom gets mad, she can't keep us straight."

sapphirestars: thats like my dad and me and my sister

Candyland: you get used to answering to two names, huh?

sapphirestars: yup rebeca and sara

Candyland: *laugh* makes me feel bad for my mom--she was the youngest of FIVE. so the rundown was "TomMarleneBillMargaretJune!!!"

sapphirestars: wow "tom, no, marlene, no margaret, no JUNE! go to your room)

Candyland: or just do what my mom does. "Whichever one you are!" or "You know who you are!"

Candyland: or "You--the one I'm looking at!"

sapphirestars: no, no actually I don't ::laughs:: my mom would kill me

Candyland: actually, my mom always calls my father "Dad" when she talks to me about him. one time she called him Walt in conversation with me, and then corrected herself.

Candyland: i'm like, "Mom, trust me--I know who you're talking about."

sapphirestars: because you've never heard that daddy's have real names

Candyland: ...they do? *blink blink*

sapphirestars: and teachers don't live at school in the classroom

Candyland: O_O

Candyland: *little bits and pieces of broken dreams come crashing down*

sapphirestars: your whole world is coming down

Candyland: :'( bully...

sapphirestars: aww I'm sorry. I will say that santa really does exist though

Candyland: *perks up* really?

sapphirestars: and the tooth fairy

Candyland: squee!!! *does happy dances*

sapphirestars: and life is good once again

Candyland: *happy happy happy*

Candyland: ...gads, i'm a neeeeeeerd...

sapphirestars: its ok! I am too

Candyland: hooray!!

Candyland: but anyway, Gin and Vodka slash... o_O

sapphirestars: my eyes!

Candyland: and dropping Ran and Kazuha into a passion party with intent to embarrass the boys...

sapphirestars: hell Satou should be there too...an older woman's perspective

Candyland: *laugh* Satou: Hey, I'm home! And I've got a whole bunch of new ideas! *she grabs Takagi and drags him to the bedroom*

sapphirestars: Takagi is of course adorable confused at first but quickly decides its in his best interest to keep up

Candyland: Takagi: Coming dear!

Candyland: *two days later*

Candyland: Takagi: *groans* I think we need to go into work today or something...

Candyland: Satou: Hmmm... *doesn't move*

sapphirestars: Takagi: call in sick today? or claim we're on a stakeout?

Candyland: Satou: Whatever...just make it quick and get back here. I've still got a couple new toys you haven't seen yet... *winks*

sapphirestars: takagi practically races through the phone call: I'm back! Megure says we better get well soon

sapphirestars: satou: we have sore aching muscle and sore throats as proof!

Candyland: Takagi: *mumbles* ...that's not the only thing...knew I shouldn't have let you stick THAT there...

sapphirestars: satou: you enjoyed every minute of it...I dont know why you're complaining.

Candyland: Takagi: At the time, yes. But the aftershock...that is definitely not a good place to pull a muscle...

sapphirestars: Satou: So I guess you don't want to try it again? Because I was perfectly willing...

Candyland: Takagi: ...I'll make you a deal. Wait until the pulled muscle heals, and then we'll give it a go. Sound fair?

sapphirestars: Satou: so then what are we going to do till then? since you're so sore we might as well go to work.

Candyland: Takagi: Not everything's sore! Besides, I already called us in, remember?

sapphirestars: Satou: How quickly we change our minds. And I doubt Megure actually believed you.

Candyland: Takagi: I really think he knows a lot more about what's going on than he lets on.

sapphirestars: Satou: He lets us get away with this cause he likes us.

Candyland: Takagi: Huh...kinda makes you wonder what he thinks of Shiratori...

sapphirestars: Satou: Well, I'm sure that if it were Shiratori and me in this situation our asses would be fired.

Candyland: Takagi: ...I'm not quite sure what to think of that.

sapphirestars: Satou: I'm just saying that Megure probably never liked the idea of me and Shiratori as a couple.

Candyland: Takagi: Wonder why that is?

sapphirestars: Satou: Maybe he likes the underdog (you) succeeding

Candyland: (somewhere, Conan sneezes...)

Candyland: (Ran: Conan-kun, are you getting sick again? I know! I'll make you some soup!!)

sapphirestars: (never has there been a more perfect analogy)

Candyland: (*giggles*) and so, Satou and Takagi spent the day screwing each other senseless. again. perhaps a bit evilly, just for good measure...

sapphirestars: ahh! the vil brings back gin/vodka slash

sapphirestars: evil*

Candyland: ...Gin/Vodka slash is pretty much evil incarnate right there...has anyone ever actually written any, i wonder?

sapphirestars: if they have it is safely locked away in their harddrive to keep probing minds (read: us) away

Candyland: ...*flailflailflail* waaaaant...just so i can say i have seen that level of horror. *pause* or should I--no.

sapphirestars: no...no you shouldn't. I think.

Candyland: only think?

sapphirestars: yes, because there is that side of me

sapphirestars: that would read just about anything

Candyland: ...well, i was planning to de-lurk on the DC yaoi community. on Lurker Day. on Thursday. because i'm a shameless fangirl, that's why.

sapphirestars: a shameless fangirl in any medium

Candyland: yes, yes...although now i have this vision of Gin and Vodka skipping merrily through a field of [evil] flowers, hand in hand...

sapphirestars: watching the (evil!) sunset, and later the (evil!) stars in the beautiful (but evil!) sky

Candyland: ...is this a crack fic asking to be written, or is it just my imagination?

sapphirestars: you see its the side of me that reads anything...write it.

sapphirestars: the eyes you would blind

Candyland: gads, what a way to de-lurk myself [if I actually did it]...i think they would chase me out of the community O_O

sapphirestars: hey if we're going to appreciate yaoi we need to open up all our borders

Candyland: that might be the one pairing that nobody in that comm has touched yet. well, that and Vermouth/anybody...

sapphirestars: vermouth and the thus far hidden boss

sapphirestars: who damn it all I really want to know the identity of

Candyland: who Jeva and i have ascertained will be Shinichi's parents, and Gin got a major lecture for screwing with the Boss's kid :-D

sapphirestars: ha

sapphirestars: that would be awesome

sapphirestars: detective conan would be a huge ironic slap in the face if that were true

Candyland: i really hafta wonder if the boss is anyone we've already met, or someone we have not yet encountered

sapphirestars: I have a lot of faith in aoyama but I'd hate to be five years down the road and still not know who it is...and true I wonder if we've seen him or if we have clues

Candyland: he's good about that kinda thing--ya know, like Vermouth/Araide and the magically-appearing breasts...

sapphirestars: I mean we all thought it was different and then we got a surprise...maybe its that old man from the night baron case

Candyland: the perverted one?

Candyland: *laugh* it's gotta be Agasa!! why--i don't know. or Hattori Heizo. man, that would be funny!

Candyland: or Kazuha's dad. he turned to the dark side out of anger from never having a first name

sapphirestars: or...akai shuichi, and all of this was started because gin and akai had a lover's spat

sapphirestars: and there goes another thought

Candyland: over who had the prettiest and evillest long hair!

sapphirestars: and how long they could each keep their hats on...

sapphirestars: oh god

sapphirestars: that was wrong

Candyland: ...are we going to look too closely at that last statement, or pretend it didn't exist?

sapphirestars: i leave it up to you

Candyland: you made the comment. it's your call.

sapphirestars: damn...cheater. fine lets go with it... we've done worse...but you start.

Candyland: fair enough...let's see, we've got Gin's Black Hat of Evil, and Akai's Knit Hat of...Not Very Nice-ness, right?

sapphirestars: right right

Candyland: *random thought* Akai: Gin, you never take your hat off. Who are you, Indiana Jones?
Gin: It's the evil that does it.

sapphirestars: Akai: uh-huh, right. you have an evil whip too? Indie did.

Candyland: (oh god, i just had the worst thought...oh lord, no...)

Candyland: Gin: Yeah. Whip. Riiiiiiiight. If that's what you want to call it...

sapphirestars: (go for it)

sapphirestars: Akai: well what would you call it?

Candyland: (points up* just did)

Candyland: Gin: Well, some call it a gift. An evil gift.

sapphirestars: (hee right)

sapphirestars: Akai: An evil gift with an evil whip

sapphirestars: Akai: I am intrigued

Candyland: Gin: Fortunately, black is a slimming color, so one wouldn't notice (*headdesks*)

sapphirestars: Akai: I definitely have an appreciation for black pants

sapphirestars: (falls over, we're just evil)

Candyland: Gin: Unfortunately, I must lament on your choice of evil headwear (ACK!!!). The stocking cap? It's a fedora that really says, "I'm here to kill you dead."

sapphirestars: (hee!) Akai: But the knit implies flexibility and a certain tenderness (oh no)

Candyland: Gin: But you're sending the wrong message. The stocking cap says "I'm going to mug you, then possibly give you cookies." If the hat has a brim--and you're holding a gun--they know you mean business!

sapphirestars: Akai: true, you always look like you know exactly what you're doing. Of course, I favor a rifle; and that always means business. I just have to hold it.

Candyland: Gin: It's also a matter of timing. You have to wait--and then right when you're ready to explode if you wait any longer, aim and fire (*ties bow on handbasket*)

sapphirestars: Akai: you have to have a firm grip though and proper positioning because otherwise you'll never make your mark (packs cookies)

Candyland: Gin: I must say, though, that your gun has one of the biggest barrels I've ever seen. Is it pump-action? (I've got lemonade. Let's go.)

sapphirestars: Akai: yup, and its got plenty of ammunition for the long haul. Of course your handgun certainly gets the job done quickly. You're not messing around with that shape. (cherry lemonade? and chocolate chunk cookies because we might as well be completely bad))

Candyland: Gin: Bet you get some great distance when you fire that thing! (oh, oh, chocolate chunk--with white chocolate chips, too! might as well go whole hog!)

sapphirestars: Akai: great distance and staying power, the shot just vibrates right through you (hell, white chocolate chunk and we have to keep them warm)

Candyland: (I can't believe I'm actually going to type this...but...here goes...)

Candyland: Gin: Can I hold it? (Forehead, meet desk *bam bam bam* ...cookies...*munch munch*)

sapphirestars: Akai: Careful though, it can go off at any moment if you press the trigger (oh.my.god....I need some lemonade)

Candyland: Gin: The trigger's on the bottom, right? At the back? (*bam bam bam* Hmmm...lemonade...I should totally be asleep right now...)

sapphirestars: Akai: uh-huh, and like with any gun sensitive to the touch. (::sigh:: my mind...I should go to bed too, test tomorrow)

Candyland: Gin: If the Boss gets wind that I'm consorting with the enemy (*snort*), there's going to be big trouble. If it goes off, it had better not leave any marks on me (*yawn* tired...)

sapphirestars: Akai: your boss? think of mine! and don't worry its a clean shot. it's all in the hold

Candyland: Gin: If it went off and left a mark, I might have to put a gun in my mouth. (*smiles sweetly*)

sapphirestars: Akai: Well, you might as well use the one that left the mark...remove all the evidence (puts on halo)

Candyland: Gin: Yeah, don't want any incriminating stains.

sapphirestars: Akai: otherwise you'd be screwed.

Candyland: Gin: Right in the ass. Boss would have my head.

sapphirestars: (oh man) Akai: it would definitely be more than a slap on the wrist, they might even tie me up to keep me from consorting with the enemy

Candyland: Gin: Boss might tie you up and get out the whip, too, if he really thinks you deserve it.



...shit, now I have to write that fic *headdesks* Sending the girls to a passion party, I mean. Not the Gin/Vodka thing. *pause* HAS anyone done a Gin/Vodka story before? Perhaps I should, if only to be the first!

*dot dot dot* And to think, 'twas only recently that I was able to start reading yaoi/slash without sponatenously combusting. This fandom has warped my braaaaaaaaaain ^_^