Walking Away (40 Nights: Kaito/Aoko)
Jun. 22nd, 2006 01:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
candylandTitle: Walking Away
Fandom: Detective Conan/Magic Kaitou
Author: Candyland
Theme: #1—you are never mine to begin with
Pairing: Kuroba Kaito/Nakamori Aoko
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Gosho Aoyama. I do not own them. I merely borrow them, drop them in a blender, hit puree, and watch them dance. Yes, dance, my pretties…ahem.
Summary: I’m so sorry, Kaito…
Aoko ran as fast as her legs would carry her. It was a cold night, but fear, nerves, and exertion all came together to make her feel feverish. Yet she didn’t dare stop. There was too much at stake for her to stop. She had to find Kaito. She had to get there first.
She just had to. Or else…
But he was nowhere to be found—not that she blamed him at all. Why should he seek her out after the events of the past hours? There was no reason. Still, she had to find him before anyone else did. Otherwise, the results could be disastrous.
She was running up and down random streets, turning wherever her instincts told her to go. Finally, in desperation, she began to call his name out loud, hoping against hopes that he’d somehow hear her, wherever he was, and respond. She felt so foolish, though—a young woman, almost an adult, running around in the middle of the night shouting her friend’s name.
She was such an idiot…
“Aoko?”
She started at the sound of her own name, and nearly tripped over her own two feet in the process as she skidded to a very sudden halt. Stumbling, but quickly righting herself, she whipped around to the source of the voice, and her jaw dropped. “Kaito!”
“That’s my name,” he nodded. He seemed to have just appeared behind her—not that she would put any such thing past him, the boy could do almost anything. Had he been following her?
“I’ve been looking for you!” she said in a rush. Still, she was trying to imprint him right into her mind, exactly as he appeared at that moment. If her intuition was right…it might be the last time she got to see him, and she wanted to remember him.
“I know. I heard you,” he said with a ghost of his old smile. But it was gone in an eye blink, and in its place was a tired, worn expression, and she was left wondering how she had missed such a profound change in her best friend. “I guess I wasn’t expecting you to be trying to find me. What’s up?”
Simple. She had been fooled exactly like everyone else. She knew better than anyone that still waters ran deep, that there was far more going on behind the perpetual grin and joking than made it to the surface. She had fallen into that same confounded trap…
“Kaito, I…” she faltered for a moment before hanging her head in shame. “I told my father.”
He was silent before she heard him sigh. “I don’t blame you,” he said in a calm, even tone that held nothing of anger and everything of sadness and sorrow and regret. “I knew that if you had to choose between me and your father, I’d lose. That’s the way it should be, really.”
“But—“ she looked up, and was cut off when he shook his head slowly.
“No,” he said gently. “You did the right thing.”
Thousands of thoughts flitted through Aoko’s mind—words of apology, comfort, even anger. She finally settled on the warning she’d wanted to give him in the first place. “Kaito, you should go. Dad’s looking for you—he’s going to arrest you. He’s really upset…you need to run before he finds you.”
Kaito’s eyes grew dark. “I know,” he said quietly. “I thought you deserved an explanation, but I wasn’t sure if you would want to see me or if you were still angry…but there isn’t much time. So…here.” He pulled one hand from his pocket, holding two envelopes, both slightly wrinkled from time spent in a coat pocket. “One’s for you. The other is for your dad. He deserves to know what’s going on, too.”
As she reached out to take them, she saw her name written on one, and her father’s name on the other. Both were sealed. She briefly wondered how the two confessions differed—what had he written to her father that he hadn’t left to her, and vice versa?
She looked up from them to meet his gaze. “Wherever you go…whenever you get there…let me know you’re all right—somehow. Please? You don’t have to tell me where you are, but…just let me know that you’re still okay.”
He nodded. “I will. I promise.” His hand dropped back to his side. “Well,” he said, giving himself a visible shake and squaring his shoulders, “I guess this is it, then. This is goodbye.” He almost seemed to be trying to convince himself, and for a moment, she almost thought he was going to say something else…
“Kaito…” she started, but the words froze on her tongue as she tried to decide what to say.
I wish this hadn’t happened.
I’m sorry I betrayed you.
I wish I wasn’t such a coward, that I could tell you…
I don’t want you to leave.
I love you.
She tried. God help her, she tried to say the one thing she’d never before had the courage to tell him. But even now, when she was about to say goodbye—possibly forever—she just couldn’t bring herself to utter those words. She barely managed one final, choked “I’m sorry…”
Kaito smiled—that eerily calm smile that convinced her that he really did know everything. That smile that broke her heart. But she wasn’t ready for him to take a step towards her and reach out and pull her close and…and…
The kiss didn’t last long, perhaps a few seconds. Aoko never wanted it to end, though. She knew the gesture for what it really was—this was goodbye. One final, futile grasp at something that might once have been fated, but now could never be.
Not quite a lie, but no longer a truth.
He released her with that same deliberate slowness and took a step back, returning his hands to their place in his coat pockets. “Goodbye, Aoko.” He smiled again…and turned to walk away into the darkness of the night as the first wail of approaching sirens reached her ears. Strange, how their piercing cry seemed to echo what her mind and heart were doing.
She wanted to scream.
Instead, Aoko remained motionless. Silent tears ran down her face as she watched him walk away for what would probably be the last time. She didn’t even move after he’d disappeared from view. Her eyes just traced his path up until that last point before he’d vanished.
The realization had just hit her full force: no matter what she had dreamed, Kaito wasn’t hers. He could have been, he might have been if things had kept on the way they were…but everything had changed in the glimmer of a spotlight off a kaitou’s infamous monocle, and now it could never be, even if he had been hers in the first place. But what almost hurt the most…
Kaito walked away. And he didn’t look back.
PS. Ah, angst. Thanks a million times over to all the loverly people who have taken time to read and/or review my little bedtime stories here. I read and appreciate every single one of your kind words. We’ll just keep on trucking, all. Much love, everybody!!
Cross-posted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
30_nights and will eventually be posted to ff-dot-net when the site decides to stop attacking me with error messages ;_;
Fandom: Detective Conan/Magic Kaitou
Author: Candyland
Theme: #1—you are never mine to begin with
Pairing: Kuroba Kaito/Nakamori Aoko
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Gosho Aoyama. I do not own them. I merely borrow them, drop them in a blender, hit puree, and watch them dance. Yes, dance, my pretties…ahem.
Summary: I’m so sorry, Kaito…
Aoko ran as fast as her legs would carry her. It was a cold night, but fear, nerves, and exertion all came together to make her feel feverish. Yet she didn’t dare stop. There was too much at stake for her to stop. She had to find Kaito. She had to get there first.
She just had to. Or else…
But he was nowhere to be found—not that she blamed him at all. Why should he seek her out after the events of the past hours? There was no reason. Still, she had to find him before anyone else did. Otherwise, the results could be disastrous.
She was running up and down random streets, turning wherever her instincts told her to go. Finally, in desperation, she began to call his name out loud, hoping against hopes that he’d somehow hear her, wherever he was, and respond. She felt so foolish, though—a young woman, almost an adult, running around in the middle of the night shouting her friend’s name.
She was such an idiot…
“Aoko?”
She started at the sound of her own name, and nearly tripped over her own two feet in the process as she skidded to a very sudden halt. Stumbling, but quickly righting herself, she whipped around to the source of the voice, and her jaw dropped. “Kaito!”
“That’s my name,” he nodded. He seemed to have just appeared behind her—not that she would put any such thing past him, the boy could do almost anything. Had he been following her?
“I’ve been looking for you!” she said in a rush. Still, she was trying to imprint him right into her mind, exactly as he appeared at that moment. If her intuition was right…it might be the last time she got to see him, and she wanted to remember him.
“I know. I heard you,” he said with a ghost of his old smile. But it was gone in an eye blink, and in its place was a tired, worn expression, and she was left wondering how she had missed such a profound change in her best friend. “I guess I wasn’t expecting you to be trying to find me. What’s up?”
Simple. She had been fooled exactly like everyone else. She knew better than anyone that still waters ran deep, that there was far more going on behind the perpetual grin and joking than made it to the surface. She had fallen into that same confounded trap…
“Kaito, I…” she faltered for a moment before hanging her head in shame. “I told my father.”
He was silent before she heard him sigh. “I don’t blame you,” he said in a calm, even tone that held nothing of anger and everything of sadness and sorrow and regret. “I knew that if you had to choose between me and your father, I’d lose. That’s the way it should be, really.”
“But—“ she looked up, and was cut off when he shook his head slowly.
“No,” he said gently. “You did the right thing.”
Thousands of thoughts flitted through Aoko’s mind—words of apology, comfort, even anger. She finally settled on the warning she’d wanted to give him in the first place. “Kaito, you should go. Dad’s looking for you—he’s going to arrest you. He’s really upset…you need to run before he finds you.”
Kaito’s eyes grew dark. “I know,” he said quietly. “I thought you deserved an explanation, but I wasn’t sure if you would want to see me or if you were still angry…but there isn’t much time. So…here.” He pulled one hand from his pocket, holding two envelopes, both slightly wrinkled from time spent in a coat pocket. “One’s for you. The other is for your dad. He deserves to know what’s going on, too.”
As she reached out to take them, she saw her name written on one, and her father’s name on the other. Both were sealed. She briefly wondered how the two confessions differed—what had he written to her father that he hadn’t left to her, and vice versa?
She looked up from them to meet his gaze. “Wherever you go…whenever you get there…let me know you’re all right—somehow. Please? You don’t have to tell me where you are, but…just let me know that you’re still okay.”
He nodded. “I will. I promise.” His hand dropped back to his side. “Well,” he said, giving himself a visible shake and squaring his shoulders, “I guess this is it, then. This is goodbye.” He almost seemed to be trying to convince himself, and for a moment, she almost thought he was going to say something else…
“Kaito…” she started, but the words froze on her tongue as she tried to decide what to say.
I wish this hadn’t happened.
I’m sorry I betrayed you.
I wish I wasn’t such a coward, that I could tell you…
I don’t want you to leave.
I love you.
She tried. God help her, she tried to say the one thing she’d never before had the courage to tell him. But even now, when she was about to say goodbye—possibly forever—she just couldn’t bring herself to utter those words. She barely managed one final, choked “I’m sorry…”
Kaito smiled—that eerily calm smile that convinced her that he really did know everything. That smile that broke her heart. But she wasn’t ready for him to take a step towards her and reach out and pull her close and…and…
The kiss didn’t last long, perhaps a few seconds. Aoko never wanted it to end, though. She knew the gesture for what it really was—this was goodbye. One final, futile grasp at something that might once have been fated, but now could never be.
Not quite a lie, but no longer a truth.
He released her with that same deliberate slowness and took a step back, returning his hands to their place in his coat pockets. “Goodbye, Aoko.” He smiled again…and turned to walk away into the darkness of the night as the first wail of approaching sirens reached her ears. Strange, how their piercing cry seemed to echo what her mind and heart were doing.
She wanted to scream.
Instead, Aoko remained motionless. Silent tears ran down her face as she watched him walk away for what would probably be the last time. She didn’t even move after he’d disappeared from view. Her eyes just traced his path up until that last point before he’d vanished.
The realization had just hit her full force: no matter what she had dreamed, Kaito wasn’t hers. He could have been, he might have been if things had kept on the way they were…but everything had changed in the glimmer of a spotlight off a kaitou’s infamous monocle, and now it could never be, even if he had been hers in the first place. But what almost hurt the most…
Kaito walked away. And he didn’t look back.
PS. Ah, angst. Thanks a million times over to all the loverly people who have taken time to read and/or review my little bedtime stories here. I read and appreciate every single one of your kind words. We’ll just keep on trucking, all. Much love, everybody!!
Cross-posted to
30_nights and will eventually be posted to ff-dot-net when the site decides to stop attacking me with error messages ;_;
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 08:00 pm (UTC)Glad I thought to check here for an update XD Cuz see the truth about ff.net is *rubs head guiltly* I think I killed it... >< XD
Cuz I actually tried to update lsat night... and not just thirty kisses... my chapter fics XD and every sigle time I try to update chappy fics?
ff.net spazzes and dies on me and won't let people update XD
So I think I cursed it XDXD
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 04:34 am (UTC)*cough* Ahem. I'm all right.
Awww...thank you! *cuddles you* Go ahead and cuddle Kaito--when
I tried to post it on ff-dot-net, too. The website bit me. It made me sad. It worked long enough for SoulSeeker to post on her challenges, but then when I tried, it rolled over and went back to sleep. Maybe if I poked it...with a taser...
Thanks! Luvs!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 04:38 am (UTC)Yeah Kaito would have XD We know it (on the looking back)
*giggles* and i'll probably write a belated kiss or something fro them... techinically I should finish up the other two fics I've had up and been working on for a month now... but then my muse comes and goes... have to wait at least another half hour so night time spazzing can come in XD
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 04:43 am (UTC)Right... Yeah I proded it with my weaponry for the last 24 hours... so far its just managed to snap at me vciously... so I gave up and am going through reading (or semi reading) nearly every story on my favvys list to see if I actually like them that much XDXD ((happy go lucky newbie on ff.net did not relize there were reallly great authors out there XDXD like you... and blazie... and sapphire and icka... etc etc XDXD))
And yeah Kaito would totally go back if he did turn back.. *sniffles* still lovely even if it is depressing
Techinically I'll probazbly write a belated one... or should work on the other fics that have been up to work on for a month now... but I'll wait for my muse to register caffine XD
((*snickers* and now the reply will probably show up XD tho it was anoyomous i think if it was so >< if ya get one similar that was me XD)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 04:51 am (UTC)...I sort of want to write a belated Kaito b-day fic, except I don't really have an idea for it. And I still hafta finish my fic for the fic-swap on
I need to clean out my faves list, too. I still have stories on there from my good ol' DBZ days *shudders inwardly* Oh well, that was the series that got me into serious fanfic writing, so it wasn't all bad ^_^
O_O Sweetie, I appreciate the compliment--thank you very much! But I am nowhere NEAR Icka's fanfic league. Or fireblazie's...or sapphirestars... ^^;; *worships all of the above*
*yaaaaaaawn* I should sleep. My muse isn't responding to the caffeine I just tried to give her. I think she wants a nap instead 8D
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 05:31 am (UTC)*giggles harder* and you ARE one of my favvy authors reguardless XD Icka and a couple others may be like... the Gods of Conan fanfic ((*shifty eyes if they're reading this XD*)) However you are definantly on my list with the (oh just reread that) so hah XD ((I like your fluff too much ^^ its highly addictive)) To each there own style... and thats why I've delved into my favvys list to look how differen they all are and how each is so good ^^ ((My goodness I'm giving lectures on ff.nets on mine and other journels o.o i think caffine actually likes me o.o))
And yeah I'm preassuring my muse for something- actually Kaito's b-day gave me a good ending for my next "kiss" i think ^^ cuz i was half way through and wondering how to end it and just figured it out I think ^^; ;
Don't blame ya for the screening tho... I would too if it came to that >< *shakes fist at flamers* Though how they dare to flame you *tosses a sword in their direction*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 09:04 pm (UTC)Very nice fic, albeit so sad. ;__;
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 04:37 am (UTC)I think Aoko told her Dad because she was mad when she found out...and then just kind of regretted it. At least, that's what this hand-puppet is telling me *looks warily at Hand-puppet!Aoko*
...I almost wrote Kaito's letter to Aoko. I was this close. But I didn't think I could do it justice, so I didn't.
Thanks!!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-05 08:18 pm (UTC)...why do I keep reading the angsty ones? D:
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-06 09:13 pm (UTC)All the themes lend themselves well to angst. Add in that it's a Nights challenge...but I have a non-depressing one in the works =3