V-Day Thoughts

[candyland]

I was asked by someone specifically why I hate Valentine's Day. So I figured I'd lay it out here--a week after the fact, but it's getting posted anyway. LJ cut for the sake of your f-lists, and so those of you who don't care don't have to read it.



It's honestly not that I hate Valentine's Day. Granted, it's definitely not my favorite holiday--I'm extremely partial to Christmas--but I don't hate it, per se. I think it's a great idea (in theory, at least) a day for people to express love and/or affection to family, friends, spouses, significant others, etc. That's great. We'll ignore the fact that I'm still fairly disillusioned with the whole romance thing ^_^

However, they've commercialized all the meaning out of the holiday. I seriously think that those jewelry commercials should just say, "Buy her diamonds, or you don't really love her." Candy, cards, flowers...I appreciate that this is supposed to be the "special day" for telling someone you love them...but all the love has been removed from the day by the never-ending hype, and what I perceive to be an emphasis on romantic love. How about platonic love? Familial love? Let's show the less-romantic side of the emotion a little love as well, please.

Secondly, I get really sick of pink, white, and red. And I generally really like pink, too. But it's EVERYWHERE!! Bear in mind that I feel the same way about orange and black at Halloween, and red and green at Christmas. It's nothing personal, it's just overdone.

Finally, and most importantly, my dislike of February fourteenth derives from something that I know a lot of people get really pissed off about. Why, oh why, is it that every freakin' V-Day, at least half a dozen people feel the need to ask me some variant on the following question: "Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?" This is usually the part where I give them a veeeeeeery strained smile and walk away.

It especially irritates me when they feel the need to try and convince me that I'm somehow wrong for being single. One friend told me he thought I should "get a boyfriend," and proceeded to give me this whole long list of reasons why he enjoyed having a significant other. I'm like, "Great. That's you."

And that's another thing that bothers me, when people say to "get" a boyfriend. This isn't exactly a solo sport here. Is there a Boyfriend Boutique somewhere--you go in and say "I want this feature, this feature, and this feature, when can I pick him up?" Honestly, you don't just "get" a boyfriend, there's a bit more to it than that. Like mutual interest, perhaps?

And I really don't believe that the sun rises and sets by whether or not I--or anyone else--is attached or single. I'm twenty years old, and I'm a junior in college. I'm young, I'm busy, and I've got plenty of time to think about the whole "significant other" and "marriage" thing.

It's in the family, too, but surprisingly enough, it's not my parents. My mom teases me a lot about how I need to meet and marry a nice boy from our hometown and live in the house across the street so she can see her grandbabies whenever she wants--nothing about me in this arrangement, of course. But I know she's joking, and here's the reason why I know she actually doesn't want me to think about it yet.

My cousin got married a couple years back, and after the wedding a bunch of people were milling around, chatting before we headed off to the reception dinner. And someone--I can't remember who--came up to me and made a comment to the effect of, "Well, Lindsey, you're the next oldest, so you're next in line. When can we expect a wedding invitation?" My mother jumped from the other side of the room to stand in front of me and say, "Absolutely NOT. She's not even going to think about getting married until after she's graduated from college and gotten a job and an apartment. When she's got her feet under her, then we'll talk." And this woman looked absolutely shocked that I was eighteen years old and not thinking about marriage.

Thank you, Mom. You never let me down, do you? I still have to chuckle at how stunned that woman looked.

But that's really what gets to me the most. There's this huge emphasis on being attached on V-Day. There's so much focus on the romantic love that other love is too often tossed by the wayside. I love my friends. I love my family. Valentine's Day should be a day for love, period.

And I'm sick and tired of people asking me why I'm still single. QUIT ASKING ALREADY. Please! I'd be lying if I said I didn't have the occasional daydream about getting whisked away by a knight in shining armor. Like most other people, I do dream of falling in love someday. But the reality is that I haven't yet. So I'll keep my eyes open. If the Right One happens along, then we'll see what happens. Until then, I'm not going to worry myself about it. Too much else to do right now.

I really don't "hate" the holiday, much as it may sound to the contrary. I'm just extremely cynical about the way it's commercialized something that should be extremely special. If someone offers you a token of affection on February fourteenth, accept it with a smile. Show your friends you love them. But stop assuming that everyone is interested in being attached, and stop rubbing it in the faces of those that aren't. A good chunk of us really couldn't care less.

And yes, I realize that I can also make a lot of these generalizations about other holidays as well. But that, friends, is a story for another day.



shake_c_ras, there you have my rationale on why I'm just not big on V-Day. But as I was typing this, a really random thought crossed my mind: spirit_sage_333, you never did succeed with your alleged quest to de-virginize me ♥ *insert Smirk of Evil here*

Comments

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

*gives a standing ovation* I am SO glad to see these sentiments put into words! Your mom even sounds like how my mom would be like. XDDD

Really. People need to stop making Valentine's Day into a day just for Special Others. The ONLY Valentine gift I got this year was from my sister Danielle's fiance. He was nice enough to give me a yellow rose of friendship and some chocolate. And yet that made my A WHOLE LOT BETTER than trying to find a guy and-or having people bug me because they think I don't want to be alone on Valentine's Day!

...another reason I can't hate it, though, is because Danielle's birthday is on Valentine's Day. ^___^ ♥

But yes! Much love to you for posting this! Big AMEN over here!

...and I linked this post to some friends of mine, if you don't mind ^___^;;;;

[spirit-sage-333.livejournal.com]

Standing ovulation? hehehe wonder how that would stand up in a feminist class hehehe.

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

...I read standing ovation *is confused*

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

She's saying she misread it XDDD

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

Thank you!! And yes, link away!! Spread the...well, love =P

I have the world's coolest mom. A lot of my friends rolled their eyes when I would say that--and then they actually met her, and realized that I was telling only the truth. Most of them call her "Mom" as well, I think...she birthed two daughters, but she has many, many children ^_^ She encourages me not to worry about those things until later, because I've got plenty of time. Sooner or later, she'll want her grandbabies, but for now, focus on the tasks at hand *huggles Mommy*

I got a couple of Crush cans (campus fundraiser), some candy, and a generous number of hugs from my friends on V-Day--they don't like to just let me be bitter. To quote a friend, they "took some of the hate away."

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Wheee~ Will do~!

I wishes I could say that my mom was the coollest mom *sighs* Sometimes she can be really cool...but sometimes she can be really psycho. All my friends have seen it. They all know that she's like a Dr. Jekell (sp?)/Mr. Hyde deal. *sighs* But she doesn't pressure me about relationships. She usually just jokes about grandkids and speculates on whether or not my oldest sister Becky and I are straight. ~___~;;;

Meh. I don't have many friends up here at college. I don't mind. I like doing what I've been doing. *shrugs* I'd say I prefer having no friends because then I can focus on my studies but...well...we both know that's a bunch of bull. XDD;;;

No, that's not hate... pretty logical actually!

[shake-c-ras.livejournal.com]

Yup, you answered my question! At the risk of embarassing myself, here goes...
I don't know how to exactly say this, but I guess this is the first Valentine's Day I was attached-ish. Did that make any difference? No. Never discussed it even, but if we had we'd probably just be like, "yeah, whatever, who cares." I got a bunch of dinosaur v-day cards to give my nieces & nephewes though, & I ate some conversation hearts while sitting here at work. I wasn't mopey or anything, but I wonder if maybe other people would be just b/c our crazy society seems to buy into some of the hoop-la, if ya know what I mean.

Who are these crazy people who ask you about finding a boyfriend? First of all, even if you happened to meet a guy & go out with him, who's to say he's your boyfriend? I recently figured out that grown-ups don't have to label their relationships. It does make me think of a cousin thinking it was funny that my 21-yr-old sister got married before my "old maid" sister got married . Yeah, she was all of 29 when she married last year. So old, JK! But yeah, I don't wanna get married anytime soon!! If someone does, good for them, but I don't. So, don't feel like you have to do anything & just try to ignore these crazy ppl! (i doubt you feel you have to anyway)

Re: No, that's not hate... pretty logical actually!

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

Congrats! I have no problem with people who are attached on V-Day, and I really hope I didn't come across as such. 'Twas not my intent. It's the people who are attached and think that everyone else in the world should be as well that get on my nerves.

And I would say you are most correct: adults shouldn't have to label their relationships, nor should they have to justify them. Hanging out does not equal getting married, dating, or anything else. I'm really in no hurry to do any of the above.

Good grief, our crew from high school is now in their early twenties. We've got plenty of time. Experience life a bit, go to school, have some fun, and get settled. To quote socchan, there are worse things than having "Miss" before your name on your tombstone.

[spirit-sage-333.livejournal.com]

Havent succeeded YET Candy :) You realize that you WILL move out here and then i will use you as fresh meat at all the right*wrong* bars :-D And I have the perfect dungeon in mind...

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

*shakes head* And here my mother thought you were such a nice young man...I honestly would not mind moving out there with you (SQUEE!), 'cept I think some of my student loans get forgiven if I stay in Iowa for a certain number of years. Anything that cuts down on how long they own my soul, I will do!

You do realize that inevitably, "bars" and "me" are NOT going to mix well. I'd either hide out in the bathroom, glue myself to a barstool, or plaster my back against one of the walls for the entire evening ^^;; How 'bout I just be the designated driver and you guys call me when you're ready to come home, ne?

Although...I am curious: define dungeon.

[spirit-sage-333.livejournal.com]

Just what I said, I know a Master :) He has a cage :) Among other things....

And youll do fine in bars, i didnt say you had to go hog wild, i rarely dance either, but the more time you spend in certain social settings the more comfortable you become :)

[writergurl.livejournal.com]

are there...whips?

....can I play too?!?!?!

[soc_puppet]

Yes. Just, yes.

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

Thank you :) And I love that icon!

[soc_puppet]

Thanks ^_^ Knew I had to do something with it when I read the joke in Windfall and just about died trying not to laugh.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...there was a joke in Windfall?

[magic-truth.livejournal.com]

YES!! Thank you!! ::applauds and cheers loudly and is heard for blocks:: I agree completely with all of it. Hee, what your mother said is exactly what my father is always telling everyone. I swear I don't usually have thoughts of being whisked off my feet 24/7! But when its rubbed in your face or people are always asking 'gosh, why doesn't a nice girl like you have a boyfriend?' it can get a little annoying. Scratch that, a lot annoying.

Big laugh over the boyfriend boutique? Where is that? Can I design my own boyfriend? Model him over a bishie?

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome! My mommy is the coolest. No if's, and's, but's, or maybe's about it! *huggles Mommy* I get to see the Family on Friday, too... *is excited* Going home for a weekend, whee!!

It is irritating--especially when it's the same people making those comments over and over again. You think they would finally get the message that you're not worried/interested/caring about it!

Bishie, huh? Let me take a leap here...messy brown hair, pretty blue eyes, big smile, wicked/occasionally mischievous sense of humor, very good with his hands...*headdesks* Why, God, why??

[lazylichan.livejournal.com]

Man, I hear ya. I totally agree. 99% of my friends hate it too. Except the one that gives out cookies and cupcakes every year. She's sort of slow, so she hasn't realized that she's the only person that likes Valentine's Day out of our little circle of friends.

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

Some people like the holiday. Some people give out little gifts. I received a few things from friends, and I genuinely appreciated it *hugs friends* If they enjoy it, that's up to them. I get really irritated, though, with people trying to change my mind about the whole thing! Hence, this post: putting my rationale out in writing so hopefully people will understand better my feelings towards the holiday.

[writergurl.livejournal.com]

If I'm still single next Valentine's, I'm going to have a big singles party, and we shall celebrate singleness and the lack of desire to change the fact!

Of course, if I'm *not* single, it would just be hypocritical...

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

*laugh* We'll celebrate platonic love!! ♥

[kaitodoushi.livejournal.com]

Platonic?! Aww... T_T

O_O;; You're on a posting frenzy, eh? ^^;

[ulfstormbringer.livejournal.com]

Wow, you have alot of response, and I can't even hope to read them all. So I'll just give my two cents. Which come from a friend and Family Guy. Bad combination.
It's not "Buy her flowers or you don't love her", it "Diamonds... They'll pretty much have to"

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

I think this is officially the second time this has happened on my LJ. The first time was the infamous Fake Memories post, which as I recall, kept you, me, Cassie, and Kat occupied for a few very creative hours ^_^ But hey, over a hundred comments on one post!! SQUEE!! *is happy*

...*is going to bed*